So, a "friend" of mine on Facebook posted this:

"I truly wish that there was a way to slap some sense into people; I would be backhanding bitches left and right."

That truly made me laugh. I said to myself "Oh my God, I feel that way sometimes too." And as I'm about to "like" her status out of agreement, I stopped and thought for a few seconds.


Wait a minute...you're a fucking pornstar...Are you kidding me? -__-

You fuck on camera for a living. Then you go home and post status updates on Facebook that loosely transfer to "I'm a whore and I'm proud of it." And you know what, I'm completely okay with that. If you're mindset and choice of work was that offensive to me, I would have deleted you ages ago (though I still don't condone it). But keeping all of that in mind, to read you post something about smacking sense into people is laughably ridiculous. The irony is oh-so amusing to me.

Oh you...sit you're simple ass down -__-.

When I first joined Xanga about 3 years ago, I was so eager and so excited to blog and get my thoughts out there and write out stuff I never get to say out loud. I was a loner and I still am.

..but then something happened.

When I moved to Arizona I thought I would need Xanga even more than ever. I was alone and I was scared, hurt and angry at the world. I hated my life. I had no one physically with me and for the first few months I poured out many thoughts that I was proud to produce. I was using Xanga more to my fullest potential and not holding back what I thought. But I relied on the only person from New Jersey that I still constantly talk to, Elimane. And on top of that I was starting to make "friends".

I had an outlet besides Xanga. My "friends" (the first ones who I no longer talk to) being a friendly face and reminder that I'm not alone and Elimane being my mental outlet, link to my past and even my backbone at times. And I realized that sometimes I would have an idea or I would just have something to say that could have been a good blog entry but I would tell it to him first or even talk to myself out loud about it.

So it's not that I didn't want to blog anymore, I realized that once I already got what I wanted to say out, I no longer felt an urgency to log on to Xanga and write it out. I either got what I wanted to say out already or I had someone to listen to me. But that catch is that when I would say it, I would often forget most of what I said anyway so writing it out just wouldn't sound as good. That's the main reason why I started blogging in the first place. Not just to have an outlet, but to have a place where my thoughts would be solidified, where they would be more than just words floating in air.

...I lost the passion because I forgot the reason why I was doing it in the first place...well no more.

So not only am I re-starting my blogging journey, I'm also starting a vlog. An educational/entertainment vlog. I made an intro video so I hope you watch it and subscribe ^_^

Last semester I took a class on how to accommodate disabled and exceptional children in the classroom and from the very first day I mad a friend named Luc. Now, when I first saw Luc, I looked at Luc's face and noted the prettiest eyes, long eyelashes and slender face. That's weird, Luc's a boy...right?

My whole semester in that class was making conversation with Luc because we sat next to each other while I silently pondered what gender Luc was. This was extremely hard for me because there were so many things about Luc that made me believe that Luc was a boy, but so many things that proved otherwise. Trying to figure out the gender without being obvious was like walking on eggshells.

Luc has a girlfriend
Luc tried on heels for prom because a friend wanted to see what it would look like
Luc didn't know anything about female clothes or shoe sizes
Luc's legs were kept unshaven
I think I see boobs on Luc but I can't tell
wait...Luc wore boxers
Luc is short for Lucas O.O

For a while I was convinced that Luc was a girl dressed as a boy but my mind honestly couldn't tell the difference with so many contradictory evidence so I let it go. I figured if not, then Luc's just a small, pretty guy. Luc is too convincing of a male.

So the semester ended, winter break had come and gone and the spring semester was coming to an end when I took a walk to the student union after missing a class. I normally wouldn't have taken this route during this time, but since I was too late to show up, I didn't mind at all. I passed a shady area of seats when I stopped at a familiar face. It was Luc. I hadn't seen Luc since last semester ended. Luc was just as surprised to see me as I was to see Luc.

This is it, I thought. I have to know. Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, I mentioned the topic of some girl that got a sex change and that sparked something in Luc. Luc's a girl. Luc is becoming a transvestite. But her name is still Lucas. I never asked her if she changed her name to Lucas or if her name was really Lucy or something, I felt it was too soon to ask. But a wave of relief passed over me as I was reassured that I wasn't going crazy. I just knew her face was too pretty to be a guy...but then again, I have seen some really pretty guys (i.e Rupaul's drag race).

We went on to talk about what causes gender confusion and how some people genuinely feel that they were born in the wrong skin. I was glad that we could be a little more open about it and I think she was relieved that I wasn't weirded out by her or anything. We walked around campus for a while before our next classes started and exchanged numbers. Well, I made another female friend that day ^_^ I need more of those.